"You'd have to have a baby first."

I was in the nail shop a few weeks ago getting all dolled up for a trip I was planning to take. A little girl was sitting up front waiting for her mom. She looked to be about seven or eight years old. She had a number of twisty braids in her hair and each was adorned with two or three barrettes - all in hot pink to match her dress and her mother's pants. She was a pretty chocolate colored girl with a pie shaped face and dancing eyes. She was watching me intently as I was trying to pick out a color.

She started our conversation by telling me that I should paint my toes green as she pointed to a bottle of neon green paint. When I told her that green didn't suit me, she asked "What's your favorite color?". When I replied, "purple", she told me that was the color I should paint my toes. I told her that wouldn't go with the outfit I was planning to wear. She asked me where I was going and I told her D.C. Then she asked, "Where your kids at?". I told her I didn't have any kids. She asked, "Why?". I said, "I'm not ready for that yet." She said, "Yeah, cuz you'd have to have a baby first." I smiled, said good-bye, and made my way back to the magic pedicure chairs.

As I was sitting there with my feet in the water and my eyes closed, I chuckled about what the pretty pie-faced girl had said to me. Did she think I wasn't ready to have kids because I had no babies, i.e. babies grow up to be kids? The logic in that was quite strong, but at the same time, very funny. But then I realized that I hadn't told her that I had no babies. So then I started asking myself broader questions like, "Was this child's sole purpose in my life to tell me that I need to have babies?".

Here's the rant: BABIES...UGH!!!!!!! I love the idea of having children, but I've never relished the idea of giving birth. I also loath the idea of sleepless nights and 3 a.m. feedings. I love holding babies and watching them smile, but the idea of carrying one for nine months is scarier than a Hitchcock movie. On my Dad's side of the family, my sister and I are the only cousins of our age group that have no children. Last week I was at a family reunion. While hugging one of my cousins goodbye, she said to me "Ima pray that you have a baby real soon." I told her not to pray that for me. Why is it that having children is such a necessity? I'm not saying that I don't want to be a mother, but giving birth is not on my priority list.

So I've been considering adoption. I'm not financially ready to do that right now, but I have a few questions that I need to answer first. Is it selfish of me to adopt a child because I want to be a mom? Doesn't that child deserve a dad too? (For those of you that don't know, I'm chronically single.)

Sigh.