I am a much better person when someone is depending on me. I hate to let down people. I was the kid whose parents could give me "that look" and reduce me to tears. I refuse to be the source of disappointment.
My bestest sistahgurlfriend has been going to boot camp workouts lately. She had a baby in April and is in the process of reclaiming her body. This morning it was 32 degrees where she lives, and she almost decided to skip boot camp, but something in her made her get up and go. She was proud of herself and I was immensely proud of her. She said, "I must be a little off to do this mess". I responded with, "It's called focus, I think".
But the more I think about it, the more I think it might be called determination and self reliance.
Here's the rant: When did I stop depending on myself? Why is it that I can walk the dog twice a day regardless of rain, shine, wind, sleet, snow, or hail, but I can't get it together to find a class that will help me be able to touch my toes again. Why am I always available to my friends in need, but I can't keep my checkbook balanced? What happened in my life that I stopped depending on me and why do I not feel hugely disappointed by that?
Six Word Saturday #424
6 years ago
5 comments:
It sounds like you depend on yourelf to do the things that make you feel good. And being there for your dog and your friends is what you want to do...from the sounds of it. Exercising and toe touching will be there when you're ready for that too. LOL (I'm jealous of your friend - I had my baby in April as well but can't reclaim my body until I get done breastfeeding. I.am.jealous.)
Hmph. You're not disappointed with yourself because you have no reason to be. We all have our set of priorities - touching your toes is overrated. You clearly depend on you. I mean how else do you get to work on the days when your limbs don't work right when you wake up? How do your finances work period? How do you work magic in the court room when the odds ... you know.
I'm thinking you, like the rest of us, do what you need to do to make it in this thing called life. Your sistahgurlfriend has realized that she functions better when she's active. She's even a bit embarrased that she's had to RE-LEARN this lesson. OH, and just like you, part of the reason she's getting back into shape is so that her little one won't run circles around her!
What she isn't about to do is organize her own room, install an electrical object, or drive long distances. All things that you willingly do.
Priorities. You aren't disappointed with yourself because your priorities are inline with what you need right now.
Tooj - her sistagurlfriend has months left of breastfeeding too! She feels you. Get moving, if that's what you wanna do.
Speaking strictly about myself, sometimes its easier for me to do things for other people than it is for me to do stuff for myself because the things I need to do for myself involve more than just a detatched activity. Balancing my checkbook means thinking about my overall financial situation. Taking an exercise class means taking stock of the general state of my well-being and my unhealthy practices. Editing an article for a friend or passing on a professional contact is one short period of time that usually doesn't involve introspection or evaluation of what I'm procrastinating about or how I need to get my own act together. This is definitely a glass half empty mindset, and I'm certainly one of those people who is generally too hard on themselves, so don't emulate me. I'm just sharing this because this is usually my answer to the questions you asked yourself, which often apply to me. When I get in the place where you are, I try to feel good about the things I'm doing for others and take small progressive steps toward improving whatever it is I need to improve on for myself. I also try to lighten up on myself. Life's to short to beat yourself up all the time.
Joyce the Writer, you hit it right on the head! That's exactly what the real issue is. Thanks.
CA, thanks for the cheerleading. Needed it.
Tooj, you check in constantly. Thanks for the comment love.
It looks like I type too fast, as well...LOL "yourelf"...I wasn't trying to call you an elf...Self...SELF. LOL
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